Are you thinking what we're thinking? No. No I'm not.

OK - excuse me, I may rant slightly during this post, and I do so in the firm knowledge that it is futile, and I do it with the best of spirits. To all those non-uk residents who might happen here, there's general election fever in the air and the Conservative party are desperately trying to claw themselves back into power with a campaign based around the question "Are you thinking what we're thinking?" - this consists of a bunch of billboard posters with statements in handwriting fonts (here's an example). These have been driving me somewhat to distraction recently, and I have been taken with the urge to get out of my car and paint a response on all of them. However, since I have no paint and such poor handwriting that my point would be lost on anyone reading my repost (not to mention that I'd imagine it's fair to say I'm broadly anti-vandalism) I thought I'd write my repsonses here instead.

1. "It's not racist to impose limits on imigration." No, no, indeed it's not, not neccessarily, but IT IS RACIST TO PLAY UPON PEOPLE'S FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN IN ORDER TO MAKE IMMIGRATION AND ASYLYUM AN ELECTION ISSUE! Honestly, if aslyum seekers came from Surrey I think it would be less of a problem for the Mail reading populace...40 years ago, a tory candidate in Smethwick ran on the campaign slogan "if you want a nigger for a neighbour, vote for Liberal or Labour." They've come some way since then, for sure, but "not racist" is not how I'd describe the Tories...

2. "The law should protect me, not burglars." I'm sorry? Have I missed something? Is anyone thinking that? Why are they thinking that? How many laws in our body of law are designed to protect burglars?! Did the government not just send out a pamphlet telling everyone they were free to kill burglars if it was really necessary?! This one really takes the biscuit in terms of appealing to the lowest common denomenator. It's just barmy..."Oh those police in that car that's just gone past with it's sirens blazing - I bet they're off to protect some burglars..."

3. "How hard is it to keep a hospital clean?" Ok - I've got two answers to this. 1. I'd imagine it's actually quite hard. I mean, there's loads of people and equipment and a massive variety of bacteria and germs and blood and stuff, and in truth I find it fairly hard to keep my kitchen clean, and that's only 10ft squared and hospitals are massive...and 2. Well, it would probably be easier if 18 years of tory governance had not left the infrastructure of our public services in such a dire state! Ok, the Labour party have had a fair old whack at improving things, but it's not easy to fix a broken infrasctructure! And I think it's fair to say that, though I'm no great fan of this government, they've had a go at improving the NHS, and will probably try to carry on doing so...although they really should get it into their heads that private contractors might not be the best way to go on this one.

4. "How would you feel if a bloke on early release attacked your daughter?" Now this has got to be the most sickening of them all. I'd feel really really bad, how would you feel? I remember when a man with severe mental health problems, released through the Tories "Care in the community" programme went on a killing rampage with a samurai sword in church, and another man jumped into the lions cage at London Zoo and was mauled. They've got a pretty shoddy record of releasing dangerous people, people who need help, into the community and leaving them to their own devices. And to use the fear of your daughter being attacked to drum up votes? Is that not basically as low as it gets?

Anyway, the long and the short of it is no, I'm very much not thinking what you're thinking and nor is anyone I love. I have to say that much as I enjoyed the evening I spent with Tom and local Labour party activists last year, and really dig the fact that he has a blog I'm not voting for him either - not least of which because he voted for the Iraq war, something which I understand (his decision I mean), but can't lend my active support to. I'll abstain again, till someone comes along who I can vote for (it hasn't happened for a while, and I'm not holding my breath) and I'll keep believing that the best way to affect change is by living well, but I just wanted to say, to any tories who may come along, spreading fear and suspicion is a really bad thing to do to a country, and may you come to that conclussion as painlessly as possible.

I don't know what general opinion is going to be like but...

I really enjoyed the new Dr Who - it made me laugh a couple of times, I thought the mystique was handled pretty well, and although it's a bit bite-sized in terms of plot depth it seemed to me to bode well for the new endeavour. Thoughts?

Quick straw poll

I'd be much obliged if you'd tell me whether or not this makes you laugh - just a quick focus group thing :)

Mmm, coffee

Pretty

Small fame again

Very excited about this, because I really like the site...and also because I've never come up with a lookalike before...

Sorry for anyone who came across the same post four times earlier

There appears to be some sort of Gremlin in the blogger system...Anyone else having trouble?

Cor, what a good mp3 post

Anyone looking for some great music take a look at this amazing post on Louder Than War.

Whoever posted that sure has good taste...(ahem, usual modest service will be resumed a.s.a.p. ...)

Television moment of, well, just about all time.

In the latest episode of Arrested Development, Henry Winkler jumps over the carcass of a shark at a dockside. Now that's some seriously classy post-modernist cross-cultural referencing...

Ok, you don't need to ask me twice.

Well, you do, evidently...

Sorry for the lack of postage - I'll put most of the blame at the door of ill-health. Before I resume proper normal service everyone (I mean everyone in the world) should know about this.

I'm sure lots of people do know about it, but it blew my mind altogether...